Karen Stockham, licensed psychotherapist, conducting a family therapy session. Albuquerque New Mexico

Dealing with Family Estrangement?

I’ll help you bridge the gap from

Chaos to Calm!

As a 30-year licensed psychotherapist and certified Clini-Coach, I help families gain clarity and skills to repair broken relationships.

Learn more about estrangement coaching. You don’t have to do this alone.

Let’s rebuild!

Image of a thriving forest, symbolizing family growth and healing in therapy.

Navigating the Trauma of Estrangement

Let’s visualize the family structure as a group of trees in a forest. Each tree is distinctly an individual. Some have robust branches of foliage basking in sunlight, while others thrive as saplings sheltered by shade. Some stand firm on thick trunks, while others sway in the breeze.

Before and after images of a family’s journey through estrangement therapy sessions.

A traumatic event, such as a fire, an earthquake, a logger’s saw, or a hurricane, can affect and even topple this entire grove, leaving a broken pile of thick, fallen pick-up sticks in its wake. One trauma affects the whole group, leaving them broken and entangled. This is what happens to a family system when the trauma of estrangement attacks.

Abstract art representing emotional healing and recovery in estrangement therapy.

The entire family is impacted. The whole family needs healing, picking up, attention, and reconstruction. Just as you cannot clean up a pile of downed trees by attending to only one, a traumatized family cannot be repaired by paying attention to only one relationship.

Serene landscape image reflecting the peaceful and supportive therapy environment.

The sweeping damage the trauma does to family relationships takes time and energy to repair. Oftentimes it feels easier to separate and walk away from the whole messy mess.

Before and after images of a family’s journey through estrangement therapy sessions.

Emotional work takes commitment, energy and perseverance, which can result in healing and reconciliation.

Family is a Journey

Karen Stockham, licensed psychotherapist, conducting a family therapy session. Albuquerque New Mexico

Family estrangement hurts. Whether the issues are in the past or the present, or both, it can be hard to know where to seek support.

Many find it isolating and shameful to admit that their family unit needs support to keep the thread of togetherness. The reality is families are no different than other relationships and benefit greatly from external support that offers insight, understanding and new skills. 

There is a Path Forward

Therapeutic resources and books used in family estrangement workshops.

Why me? For many years I have been a trauma therapist working with individuals, couples and families. My own personal experience of family estrangement drew me to create a new specialist practice for individuals and families who are struggling to communicate and repair their rifts. I understand the personal and collective grief that estrangement can bring to a family and how to help all parties move forward with confidence and trust. 

New clients usually come heartbroken, confused, frustrated and hurt. Let me help you experience balance and peace once more within your heart and your family system.

AS SEEN IN

Becca Bland, M.A, Hons D. Litt. Standing Together Video Podcast

Standing Together Video Podcast: Becca Bland, Hons D.Litt. brings together many specialists in the field of family estrangement to talk about all the hot topics in the field.

Click here to listen.

The Guardian logo in black text on a white background.

Featured in The Guardian: Family tensions and disagreements during the holidays, featuring insights from Karen Stockham.

Read more here.

Testimonials

  • "Family estrangement is somewhere I never thought I would be, but as this has been an issue in my family, I am thankful I was able to talk to Karen and get a much healthier perspective. We all have expectations on how things will go, and when they don’t it is very hard. I have learned a lot from Karen in how to deal with this and I highly recommend her help thru this tough situation. She has a wealth of information to share and I feel like I am better equipped to handle the situation!!!"

    CN

  • "Family estrangement is somewhere I never thought I would be, but as this has been an issue in my family, I am thankful I was able to talk to Karen and get a much healthier perspective. We all have expectations on how things will go, and when they don’t it is very hard. I have learned a lot from Karen in how to deal with this and I highly recommend her help thru this tough situation. She has a wealth of information to share and I feel like I am better equipped to handle the situation!!!"

    Carla S.

  • "Karen was pivotal in guiding me through processing the death of my mother at 19 years old, and all of the difficult family dynamics that emerged in the aftermath of that event. Working with Karen gave me the tools I needed to break unhealthy generational relationship cycles, implement healthy boundaries and create peace for myself in the midst of chaos over the last two decades. I honestly don’t know where I would be without Karen’s vast knowledge and support. But, I can say for certain, that I would not be the emotionally healthy, strong, grounded and resilient person that I am today. Karen is truly a gift and I am so grateful to have had her support, guide me through so many of my life’s challenging experiences."

    Tizah B.

  • Talking to a therapist has been invaluable to my mental health as I have needed to work through relationship challenges with both my parents and my adult children. Karen is compassionate and has an ability to help me see the bigger pictures in my family situation. She has helped me through grief and the pain of estrangement. With her help, I am learning to set healthy boundaries. She has taught me the importance of self care and that life can be good and I can be whole even when my life didn’t turn out the way I thought it would.

    Kim N

Family Estrangement FAQs

  • Family estrangement happens when a family relationship breaks down, leading to little or no communication between relatives. Research shows that about half of people experience periods of disconnection from close relatives, family members. This can be temporary or long-term, but at its core is the voluntary distancing and sometimes complete severing of contact between family members.

  • Some common causes include unresolved conflict, differing values or beliefs, divorce, inheritance disputes, abuse or long-standing family dysfunction. 

  • Coping strategies include therapy, estrangement coaching, support groups, self-care, and setting healthy emotional boundaries. Practicing forgiveness (even without reconciliation) can also aid healing. Dealing consists of your inner work, learning communications techniques and having a reconciliation plan in place.

  • While not all estrangements are reconcilable, some families do find ways to reconnect. Healing often involves reconciliation coaching and planning, self-reflection and inner-work therapy, and improved communication skills.

  • Estrangement can lead to a unique and painful form of grief, anxiety, stress, depression, and loneliness. Can lead to trust issues and a loss of self-esteem. Seeking professional support can help you process these emotions and move forward in a healthy way.

  • Start by understanding the reasons for the estrangement. Seek professional coaching help and if appropriate, you can initiate contact in a non-confrontational way, using clear, empathetic communication. Professional guidance can also help.

  • Many people find support through specialized estrangement coaching, individual and family therapy, online communities, books, and family estrangement support groups. As one of the few estrangement specialists. I offer professional coaching to help navigate these challenges. [Learn more about our services at the link below.]

  • Therapists, coaches, and support groups specializing in family estrangement can offer guidance tailored to your unique situation. We provide professional coaching services to help individuals and families work through estrangement-related challenges.

  • Therapy can provide tools to manage grief, improve communication skills, and navigate reconciliation (if desired). It also helps individuals process emotions and set boundaries.

  • If reconciliation is a goal, consider these steps:

    • Reflect on what led to the estrangement.

    • Approach with empathy and avoid blame.

    • Seek coaching from an estrangement specialist, therapy or mediation if needed.

    • Accept that reconciliation may take time—or may not be possible.

Welcoming therapy office for family estrangement counseling sessions.